The Friend Crush: Is This Love Or Friendship
He's your good friend. She's your best confidant. You have known each other for a few years and have shared meals, movies, hobbies and vacations. You have confided to each other about your newest love interest and turned to one other for withhold when the relationship(s) failed. You can't imagine life without your good friend.
The Friend Crush: Is This Love Or Friendship
The Friend Crush: Is This Love Or Friendship
The Friend Crush: Is This Love Or Friendship
The Friend Crush: Is This Love Or Friendship
But for a while....
You've felt jealous of his dates. You've been overprotective of her since she has been seeing the jerk. You've been having
very strong feelings of attraction and a desire for something more than friendship. Could it be that your feelings for him/her have grown into something more? If so, your connection may have developed into a "friend crush".
You don't know what to do. You know you want to continue spending time together- more time. But it's getting hard. You imagine about having more with this man and are starting to feel like a jealous would-be partner. Do you pretend all is the same? Do you start distancing yourself- hoping your feelings will go back to the way they were? Do you precisely Talk directly and precisely with your friend about how you feel?
What will happen to the connection if you make the Wrong choice?
Just as all population are unique, so are the characteristics of their relationships with others. There is no one-size-fits-all talk to this increasingly common dilemma. So, let's take a look at your options. You can:
* ignore your feelings, keep your boundaries in check and pretend all is status quo
In order to pick this option, you must be able to deny your feelings so well that even you don't know what they are. You will also have to continue being comfortable on the sidelines while man else has the connection with this man that you desire. You will most likely be asked what you think of this or that man and be anticipated to be happy and supportive of your friend when they meet the right man for them. In return for all this, you will still have your friend.
* begin to spend less time with your friend (crush) while seeking out new friendships to pursue and strengthen
This choice will most likely cause blurring and hurt on the part of your friend who will wonder what happened. They may be insight and accepting of your need to spread your wings and withhold you in doing what you need to do. Either way, you will see less of them and your connection can weaken and possibly disappear altogether as they move on with new people. If you can distance yourself for a while and no longer feel the romantic butterflies, you can all the time give them a call and may be able to pick up somewhere near where you left off.
* continue the connection with your own incommunicable agendas - a desire for romantic intimacy and the hope that the man will perceive that they feel the same way
If they become involved with man else in the meantime, you can work to sabotage their new connection or you can leave them wondering where all your anger and hurt feelings are arrival from. You can spend a lot of time and energy handling it this way, without anyone to show for your efforts but the loss of a good friend.
* have an open and honest seminar with your friend with regard to your new feelings for them
This is the choice that seems to be the hardest for folks to make. Often what I hear from population in this position is that they fear "ruining the friendship" if they discuss their feelings honestly. While this is a very understandable concern, it isn't well opinion out. It is emotional, not rational. Look again at the other options. Every one will bring about a turn in your current friendship.
Why?
Once your feelings have changed, so does the relationship. Ignoring them, hiding them or distancing yourself will lessen your closeness and the unavoidable dynamics that flow in the middle of good friends. You can't go back. You need to resolve how you want to move send or if this is an choice for you. . It is also inherent in selecting this choice that you will learn that they have similar feelings for you that they were afraid to reveal. Therefore selecting this choice could follow in romance and a love connection based on true friendship.
Intimacy exists in all close relationships. It is the potential to be completely open and vulnerable to other without fear of harm or rejection. So, by definition, we cannot be intimate with other while hiding or denying our true feelings and needs to them.
The choice will all the time be yours. selecting wisely is about precisely knowing the options, the consequences they bring and what will be best for you and your friend.
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